Stranger Date at Starbucks

I used to blog. Then - I stopped. Now I'm back again, better than ever.
This blog is about dating trials and tribulations. Mine, others - makes no difference to me, if it's funny I want to memorialize it in writing.
This morning, I got up early and came into town to grocery shop (changing up my times and locations to meet new people) and then go to Starbucks and Target. Grocery shopping is done. Perhaps a different time next week - 8:45 doesn't seem to be the time. I am now at Starbucks. and...there is a date at the table next to me. Goldfreakingmine.
When I walked in, I immediately could tell by the body language and weird conversation this was a first date - blind? online? friend introduction? Who knows. By immediately, I mean I could tell before I walked by their table on the way to the register to order.
Some observations thus far (and yes...I'm talking notes while shamelessly listening in. Luckily, he is so freaking loud it's not a strain):
It's obvious it's a first date. Yet the bulk of the beginning of the conversation is all about the future and what he "needs" in a woman. But wait - that's not all...no, indeed - he is also finding it necessary to tell her ALL ABOUT his ex-girlfriends - the good AND the bad. Dude. One of his exes is a teacher - yeah. From my understanding, she (the ex) is from Wisconsin and after she lost her job, he wanted her to move here. Yet oddly enough, she had to think about it. Well - that was the nail in the coffin, in his opinion. If she had to think about it, then she doesn't want him bad enough.
Which brings me to.
The "Brad Pitt" rule. Oh my heavens. So he has a rule of thumb - if he asks you out, and you say you have something going on that night, then he thinks "if I'm Brad Pitt and I invited you out, would you drop everything to go? If not, then I'm not the man for you. If you're too busy to see me or unwilling to change your plans, I'm not interested." Newsflash, dude. You're NOT BRAD PITT. Not even a close facsimile. Also...control much?
He said last weekend he went to the Vintage...and the Brass Rail...(I quote directly here) "alone, because I have no friends." Well...maybe his friends all had other plans, and because they weren't willing to change them, they were gone.
He seriously needs to shut the fuck up. She is totally NOT into him at all. She's looking around and fake laughing.
This guy is totally crazy walking on the wild side. He had a list of things he's changed since his divorce. Ready? He used to take hot showers. Now he takes cold. You're pretty lucky you're just hearing all this second hand, because in the interest of brevity, I have DRASTICALLY reduced the 20 minute tirade about how hot showers are comfortable, and reducing comfort, and. Wait. There is no reason to repeat all this. He uses a double edged safety razor now. I told you - walking on the wild side. There's more. He has started shopping at Men's Warehouse. That's right - he has made the change from t-shirts to button ups. From what kind of coat I don't know what in the past to sports coats with dark jeans. want another quote? Then so it shall be. "I own jeans." Well, sweetheart - aren't you special.
Let me just give you an example of how special he is. As a teen, he saw Nirvana in concert. His mom didn't want him to go, she said "you can go see them anytime." To which he replied, "but what if they die?". Now I'm not saying he can tell the future...but...the facts seem to speak for himself. You be the judge.
Haha...she's totally texting out for a rescue. This guy is a goldmine.
This chick needs to grow a pair. Unless she's into assholes. If so, then she must be thrilled. He's making her buy a song on iTunes. Right now. He used those words. WAIT - he has THREE he wants her to buy. Right now. AND SHE'S DOING IT!
The conversation has taken a turn to plans for the afternoon. His quotes are just too good to pass up. His plans are to "retreat to his fortress of solitude and read." Somehow, this has led to a conversation about geocaching. He hasn't directly said he invented geocaching, but I might be in the presence of a hero. He looks NOTHING like Dave Ulmer, but what do I know.
"Music should be paid for - it's their job. You go to work and get paid, don't you? Why should it be any different for musicians? Unless they're dead. Or already have lots of money, like Hall and Oates." I don't even know what to say to this.
More music type of talk. In high school, he listened to the standard pop music (Peter Gabriel, Hall and Oates, etc. etc. etc.) until he started listening to more alternative music. The songs listed were not alternative (Ah-Ha, The Cure, etc.). "And then, we discovered the Beatles. And that is all we listened to." Until one fateful day. One day he was out with a friend, and his friend put Nirvana in the radio. "Here we are, ditching school, rolling a joint, listening to Nirvana." His life changed at that moment. That evening, he immediately went and bought the cassette.
Well, her rescue text has come in. So she's saying goodbye. They have plans to see each other on Thursday. Oh sweetheart - he's not for you. Run while you still can.

In other news, there are two men my age that walked in alone. Perhaps this is a better location than Kroger on a Sunday morning.